#10: how to be worry free. for six minutes.

Pablo lessens his pace and walks slower than usual this morning. Normally it's a sprint to the stop so that he doesn't miss the bus. Though today, he's six minutes early. Pablo makes sure to keep on the grass so he can feel the crunch of the frost under his feet. It's a small victory every time he puts one foot in front of the other - crushing the grass with each step.

Pablo is worry free and not sure how to feel about it.
Five minutes to seven forty-one a.m.

He exhales and watches his breath condense into a small cloud then slowly fade away. He tries to puff out a ring, but it doesn't work. Pablo doesn't smoke. He's no good at doing rings. Pulling his toque lower, (because the tips of his ears aren't covered) he looks around and wonders about the increase in traffic and pedestrians for this time of day. Strange, he thinks, as he pulls his hand out of his pocket and glances down at his wristwatch. His arm feels heavy. Suddenly he remembers, "spring forward".

His feet are cold. The brakes on the bus are squealing. The bottom of his ears are coming uncovered again. Spring is here and soon there won't be any more grass to crunch. He's an hour late for his exam.

Pablo is worried and not sure what to do about it.
Eight forty-one a.m.


saturday musings

[this blog post is dedicated to chuck lorre. despite the ironic fact he won't ever know]

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#9: how to chew the fat

like a good stew, this blog entry has been flavoring itself up for the past couple of months. but don't get any ideas. it still might be too salty or darkly-humored for some of you. if that happens to be the case, and you don't understand or like dark humor, sarcasm, or liberocrat(ish) opinionisms - then i hope your eyes don't fall out after reading this. you communist.

i know that by saying SMusings was on a hiatus, i'm really saying that i haven't been interesting enough for the last two months. and that's slightly true, but slighlty untrue as well. my last idea for a blog post was going to be about how i prefer to write my blogs in notepad rather than in microsoftword.

do i care why? you ask. well - i'll tell you anyway.

notepad in many aspects is like an ikea furniture item. chiefly because of its simplicity and being designed for noobs. whereas, i imagine a microsoftword user to be that person in ikea who is loud-talking about how they'll be purchasing real granite-countertops, rather than faux granite-countertops, because of the durabilty and luxuriousness.

so, being intrigued, you look in their basket and are unsurprised to find that it only contains a $1 chocolate bar and a $2 pack of 2AA batteries. i guess they're saving up for their countertops, you mutter.


saturday musings

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#8: how dog poo can be interesting

there are a lot of things that people hate. but there are only a few things in life that we can all agree on hating. things like: bad drivers, wine and cheese breath, racists, sarahjessicaparker's face, the government... and of course, the show 'toddlers and tiaras'.

watching that show was actually less interesting than watching my dog have a poo. well, it wasn't so much uninteresting as it was - wrong. i felt bad for the kids, you know? having to prance around half naked in front of their (ironically fatugly) parents and judges-who look like registered sex offenders. even the amount of make-up on their little faces would be enough to fancy up an entire cirque du soleil cast. and the skills? since when has baton twirling been a skill? calling baton twirling a skill is like calling rodeo a sport.

point being - i hate these pageants. i hate the parents for turning their kids into little, perverted versions of themselves. kids don't usually get a choice and it's sad to see some of them having to grow up doing that kind of thing. and only for their parents to feel better about themselves, barely. but if i'm wrong and there is a point to little kid beauty pagents, i still don't care. because i know that my parents let me like what i liked, when i was growing up. and that made me very creative and kept me truly happy. which i still appreciate entirely.

child pageants may be small and insignificant compared to the other major things we can hate together - but it's what i chose to muse about this time. and maybe i shouldn't say 'hate'. they're just something that i really don't like, a lot. and it's a parent's choice, i know. but isn't there anything better to choose? like ballerina classes or the taliban or something?

listen. in the end, child pageants are fantastically weird and hugely pointless. plus, why on earth would anyone want their kid to be less interesting than dog excrement? unless you're a stupid, of course.

shamefully yours,

saturday musings

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#7: how fanny packs are so uncool

if you've ever worn a fanny pack in public and had someone laugh at you, you deserve it. and if you've had the same reaction after telling someone that you 'love to read', i would again have said you deserve it - until recently.

a little while ago, i had the sort of relationship with reading, that old persons have with technology - i didn't understand why it is important or why it is necessary. i thought of reading as tedious and boring. so many words that you can minus by just using a picture instead. usually i just read titles, look at pictures, and make a general assumption about the rest of an article's content.

but then, i accidentally stumbled onto a book-reading app on my iphone, and accidentally paid for some books, and accidentally began to enjoy reading them. and so i finally began to understand that fanny packs weren't uncool - they were just uncool to me.

i finally got it. i finally understood why libraries and bookstores have millions of different sections. there’s different sections for different likes. and why would you want to read something unless you were interested in it? i know it sounds daft, but it was quite an epiphany for me.

it was so simple. reading is boring, unless you're reading something you like.

like this blog.

saturday musings

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#6 how to feel good about procrastinating

i'm a procrastinator and i've known it for a long time. i felt that leaving to-dos till the last minute allowed maximum relax time and minimal work time. and honestly, who doesn't want to work less? unless you're a stupid, of course.

actually, till recently i believed that procrastination was like trying to lick your own elbows - a pointless practice. but now, i think of procrastination as licking honey-chocolate off of catherine-zeta jones' face. and everyone can agree that honey-chocolate is good. but not if you have too much of it. just like procrastination.

my wife is the opposite of a procrastinator - like having a comb-over is the opposite of having dignity. but we don't really clash when things need to get done, because she knows that i'll get it done, eventually. and i know that when something is important enough, i'll have to do it now, rather than later. point being: things will get done either way.

like studying for a test. if you put it off till later, you'll end up with the same result as a person who didn't procrastinate - a grade. eventually, procrastination gets the job done. everything ends up completed. it might not be completed properly, but at least it gets done. and now you can feel good about procras...i'll type it in later, damn long word.



saturday musings

ps. you tried it, didn't you? you tried to lick your own elbows. well, don't feel ashamed. at least no one saw you try.

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#5 how hollywood = ego fail

on her facebook account, my sister recently posted an article which discussed the lawsuit filed, by the producers of the 'the hurt locker', against persons who had downloaded it illegally.

i'm all for fairness and equality, but these producers have managed to make me angry. like when pooh doesn't get his honey - angry. in my opinion: the producers are blamimg the poor ticket sales on someone or something else, instead of accepting that the movie wasn't that great.

"but saturday musings, the hurt locker won 6 oscars!"

yeah you're right, but the oscars make as much sense as the queen of england. like really...what's the point? everyone has respect, but not any genuine respect. i mean, hollywood doesn't seem to understand that the majority of movie-goers, could care less about the oscars. it's just a big ego stroke for the stars anyway. point being: winning oscars doesn't make your movie good.

avatar, in my opinion, was a hellovalot better than hurt locker; for one, it was unique [not another american army-movie] and for two, it wasn't a wrist cutter. don't see 'the messenger'. just, don't. i would rather shave with a porcupine than watch that movie again.

BTW - i'm not defending the act of pirating, i totally believe that you should pay for something, if you like it. as a pirater, i make sure that even though i pirate, i buy the stuff that i do like. for example, i just bought 2 books on my iPhone, when i could have easily found a torrent for ebooks...

the producers are acting like that contestant on american idol, who goes in and sings real bad-like. then after opening their eyes and feeling like they nailed it, simon says, "having to listen to that was absolutely excruciating". we see the temper tantrum and the name calling and find out later that they've gone and sued cowell for illegal downloading.

alternatively, if this is a matter of money and not pride, how about paying the 'stars' a little less? i love will smith, but i'm sure he could live with $10,000,000 instead of the $20,000,000 he usually gets per movie. but it's probably about pride, since pursuing all these people in court can't come cheap.

in any matter, i feel like turning on piraters is just a big ego fail for the producers of 'the hurt locker' - seriously, go pick on something your own size.

saturday musings

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#4: how i failed to cure the mo-mo blues

usually i wake up on monday mornings filled with all sorts of emotions. on monday mornings,  i wake up feeling like a swamp-water slushie - of emotion (americans: a swamp-water slushie combines all available flavours. even the ones you don't fancy, like lemon.. blech). a lot of people get the 'mo-mo blues', and so i decided that i was going to be the first to find a cure.

eventually i stopped perplexing myself, with flavours and emotions, and decided to get on with my research..

wait-a-minute. you know what? blueberry isn't a good flavour either. it just isn't. i think blueberries are the weirdo cousin of the berry family. no one wants to include them, but you have to - because they're family. i  even bet blueberries  would try and convince cranberries to make out in the closet, because they aren't really related.

and also, blueberries taste like wet-wetness to me. even water has more flavour, in comparison. and i know what all of you are thinking.. "has this douche ever tasted a blueberry muffin?" and all i have to say to that is: muffin. i'd taste better too, if i'd gone and attached myself to an ice-cream truck.

anyway, the monday morning blues. they're probably called the mo-mo blues because someone was eating blueberries at the time and was like, "this is exactly how a monday would taste, if it could taste like something".

so yeah..
wait, what was i talking about again?


saturday musings

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#3: how to love your own blog

blogging: it's been a massive revelation. i had no idea of the amount of information and ideas floating about the webernet (via blogs). there are millions of blogs. blogs about any and everything. not that i didn't know that, but now i'm realizing it.

i feel so overwhelmed thinking about where my blog stands in all of it. but before you change the channel, because i've thoroughly depressed you already, i promise it will all end on the up and up.

i don't think that my blog's content sucks, or that i'm a bad writer, but i don't think that my content has a real purpose. i don't want people to be amused for 1 minute and forget about my blog by the next.

i want it to be a water-cooler conversation starter. i want it to be interesting enough to be forwarded or tweeted or digg'd or shared on facebook, as soon as someone's done reading the newest post.

i've changed my blog, and its name, and its appearance, and its 'identity/purpose' a bunch of times already, but i still don't get 'it'. i don't really understand what to say in order to make it stand-outish. i don't know if it's even worth worrying about.

truthfully, i am good at a lot of things, but i'm not extremely knowledgeable or passionate about just one. i can't seem to focus on just one. i want to sample and explore so many topics all at once. i usually have 6-8 tabs opened in my browser at the same time. and always, they're all different websites.

i guess, i have to slow down and not rush into this whole blogging-identity thing. although, i did tell my friends and family that i wanted to take this blog seriously. serious enough to make it profitable one day, but not as a sole purpose. i really want people to enjoy what i'm writing about, primarily.
 
the monetizing and fame can wait, until i've got the identity and purpose of my writings sorted. until then, i'm going to keep loving my blog for what it is.

and in the end, i'm sure it'll figure itself out.



saturday musings

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#2: the revolving identities of readrue.blogspot

i know, i know. there's been a lot of changes to the blog in recent days. but i really feel like i want to make this blog a success. i want it to be relate-able, read-able, and just plain humorous. the blog and its layout are going to keep changing. it's pubescent right now; till it finds its own-true identity.

ergo, let me explain why it keeps changing.

first: i don't think anyone really wants to read about a normal life, more than once. just like no one wants to sneeze more than once. it gets lame.

second: my wife is beginning to lose her will to live because of having to hear repeatedly that i hate *example-of-complaint*. and i don't want her to die of anything else besides old-age. hence, a blog.

third: and most important. i always wanted to be a superhero. if i can help someone cope with something stupid a person did, i'd be happy. and i'd feel super about it too.

i should be posting the first solution soon. keep checking back folks.




saturday musings

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#1: how i can't just eat healthy

brown rice has been thwarting my attempts, all week long, to establish a healthy eating regiment. how hard has it been? ..ever try to balance yourself on your own face? that's how hard it has been. that is also, what she said.

in retrospect, i don't actually feel that cooking b.rice is a big deal. i'm just surprised at the level-of-diffculty re: healthy eating. sometimes it's gross to just imagine eating healthily.

case and point: eggplant.. it sounds disgusting and probably tastes just as much. but healthy? ..it probably is. i would rather eat myself than eat an eggplant.

and in another attempt, i turned to my iPhone for help. 'lose-it' is an app that is supposed to help me record and track my 'goals', in order to encourage my healthy foray. but so far, it's just managed to depress me.

i don't really want to know that a double whopper is like 9-thousand calories. how about recommending something healthy, that tastes like a double whopper?

is it just me?
i don't know if i'm the only one who finds healthy food hard to swallow (pun fully intended). i don't blame americans for causing the earth to spin more slowly by becoming so fat. they have delicious things like: deep fried cheescake & deep fried bacon. say no to that... no really, try and say no.
i can't.

i totally would eat healthier, if: it didn't take so much patience or if it let me use my taste buds.

for example: the only thing worse than a brussel sprout is: having to actually eat one. to me, they're the testicles of the vegetable kingdom. and who wants to eat testicles? besides stupids, of course.


saturday musings

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