#14: how to get off your high horse [Apr2011]

why are Alisters allowed to crash cars, do drugs, do pornstars, and exhibit selfish behavior so openly, when i'm not even to urinate in public without a $250 fine?

#10: how hollywood = ego fail [May2010]

i mean, hollywood doesn't seem to understand that the majority of movie-goers, could care less about the oscars. it's just a big ego stroke for the stars anyway...

#7: how fanny packs are so uncool [June2010]

if you've ever worn a fanny pack in public and had someone laugh at you, you deserve it. and if you've had the same reaction after telling someone that you 'love to read', i would again have said you deserve it...

#8: how dog poo can be interesting [June2010]

there are a lot of things that people hate. but there are only a few things in life that we can all agree on hating. things like: bad drivers, wine and cheese breath, racists, sarahjessicaparker's face, the government... and of course, the show 'toddlers and tiaras'...

#13: how to hit the panic button [March2011]

Of course by now you've heard about the natural disaster in Japan. but i think you've heard about it - in the wrong way.

Sunday, March 13, 2011

#13: how to hit the panic button

most of you have probably heard about the devastation in japan already, but i don't think you heard about it - in the right way. and yes, i know that critiquing anything about a natural disaster this quickly is like pulling off a scab before it’s healed. but the media's coverage of these events always leaves me in a state of helpless anxiety and i’ve always wanted to understand their need to open-palm slam the panic button with such a cemented predisposition.

the media has always been a catalyst for spreading panic and over exaggerations, but i've never understood the motivation behind it. maybe the media and the government like to play footsies under the table. and the resulting alarm from their coupling is a means of exploiting the generosity of their citizens. or maybe it's because the general public loves the drama of devastation and chaos. it could also be that we've become so desensitized to killings and rapings and general bloodshed and loss, that the media has to naturally evolve its reporting style from tame to hyperbolatic. but what to do, and i mean actually do, when something like this happens?

i think that we’ve been trained to do the only thing we know how to do, and that is: donate. and donate till you can write yourself off into a lower tax bracket. and since the media isn’t going to stop playing wack-a-mole with the panic button, shouldn’t our sympathy-reflex produce a different reaction? because panic is fine.. but it's what you do after the panic that matters.

saturday musings

Saturday, March 5, 2011

#12: how to get distracted

saw a billboard for a pub the other day. had on it a s*ut holding some appetizers ever so near to her giant overexposed bussoms. and i thought to myself, "billboards are completely useless. and i hate them". if i wanted to go to a bar with the atmosphere of a french woman's armpit - i won't need to see a billboard for it, i'll just ask the neighborhood vagrant. "oh, it's a good thing i ordered the chicken wings here.. not only do they taste like a meaty sundried tomato, but are also the worst thing i've ever put in my face.. oh, and i just got chlamydia from this seat".

usually they're advertising something i don't want, can't use, or wouldn't want to use after seeing the billboard. i mean, what is the point? don't billboards cost like thousands of $/month? when's the last time you or antone you know saw a billboard and thought, "yes, definitely, i need that product. right now, in fact".

and i know there's a target market for everyone, but a half naked full breasted waitress with a lowcut faux referee jersey doesn't really stimulate my need for chicken wings. it stimulates my... eye rolling reflex. and another thing... uh, actually, i'll finish this thought later. it gets messy trying to type with bbq sauced fingers.


saturday musings